margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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