Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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