Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
