the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
