I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
