your room smells of hookers.
And success
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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