The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
