Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
