Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So squirting runs in the family.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
