Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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