Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
