you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
