I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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