Just fell off a train. Bad.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
then he tried to convert me to islam
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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