I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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