so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
