Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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