We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
