69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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