It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
