So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize