Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They took my balls.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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