He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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