worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
