if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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