I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
