Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
