my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
