Don't make out with my wife yet
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
