dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
