Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
nutella sex= disaster
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I AM VODKA MAN
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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