Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
