He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
