This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
