I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
