I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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