wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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