Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
