Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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