I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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