dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
