So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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