hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
