"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
