all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
