He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
