anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize