I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
