I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
