do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
