thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
