My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
