she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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