Banned from zoo.
Again?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
