She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
