i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize