dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
