Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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