I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
