I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
