I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
