stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
