Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
