you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
