Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
