yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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