Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
