cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I will be naked everywhere
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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