I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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