Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
