It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
false alarm. still invincible.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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