At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
